{"id":1440,"date":"2020-05-12T03:57:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-12T03:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?p=1440"},"modified":"2021-06-29T04:18:25","modified_gmt":"2021-06-29T04:18:25","slug":"happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Happiness isn\u2019t what I wish for my children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by Catherine Schasser<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to vocabulary.com \u201cHappiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can\u2019t help but smile.\u201d Similarly, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, defines happiness as, \u201cthe experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.\u201d Sure, these are feelings I want my children to experience, but let\u2019s be real for a minute. Does anyone, anywhere ever get through life untouched by hurt, sadness or challenge? I\u2019m waaaay on the side of absolutely NOT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With this in mind, what good is it that I wish for my child to be happy, if I believe feeling happiness as a consistency is an impossibility?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I completely understand the initial response from parents who say they want their children to be happy and healthy. If you\u2019d asked me 26 years ago when I was 19 and pregnant with my son what I wish for him, I\u2019m certain health and happiness would have been included in my response. These continue to be the answers I hear when engaging with parents today. If you\u2019d then returned to me six years later as I awaited the arrival of my second child, a daughter this time, I\u2019d have answered again with a desire for her to be happy and healthy, however by this time, I\u2019d have added capable and independent to my \u2018want\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today my children are grown and exploring the world as adults. They\u2019ve survived the process and expectation of their formal schooling years, felt wins and losses of achievements socially, academically and physically and they\u2019ve negotiated relationships of independence and interdependence. As all of us do, they\u2019ve had opportunities to lean into their personal identities and make choices of roles, responsibilities and action. They\u2019ve been happy\u2026but they\u2019ve felt other emotions too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUps and downs. Victories and defeats. Sadness and happiness. That\u2019s the best kind of life.\u201d Maxime Lagace<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, of course I want my children to be happy, but if this were to be my primary wish and focus, I\u2019d be falling short in providing them the skills, qualities and dispositions which would allow them the ability to CREATE the desired result of happiness\u2026whenever they wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it\u2019s not happiness I want for my children, what is it I DO want for them, you may query?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the last almost three decades of raising children and teaching in the early childhood sector, I\u2019ve observed much evidence of the challenges facing children, teens and yes, adults. That means you too. Life can be pretty hard at times, can\u2019t it? As Brene Brown states, we\u2019re so frightened of what\u2019s to come from life and the feelings associated with these possibilities, we often spend our days \u2018foreboding joy\u2019. By this she refers to the strategy of pre-empting or preparing for the inevitable wrecking ball or less significant however still impacting challenge we\u2019re \u2018sure\u2019 is around the corner. The sick child. Rainy weather. Broken washing machine. Lost job. Et cetera. Et cetera. If this is true, then it\u2019s clear we don\u2019t believe our children are going to be happy all their lives, right? We know things go wrong and don\u2019t go to plan. That\u2019s the design of this curious game of life we play. It\u2019s inevitable our children will experience disappointment, loss, hurt and other perceived negative emotions we as their parents, would love to be able to shelter them from. We can\u2019t though, can we? \u201cPerfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don\u2019t exist in the human experience.\u201d Brene Brown<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is why happiness is not what I wish for my children. My wish is they understand the power to be happy lies within them. I also wish for them to know peace in who they are and peace in the hard times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This powerful strategy is what I pray my children learn. That when the next life challenge is upon them, they are able and willing to ask themselves \u2018what am I telling myself and what am I making this mean?\u2019 and then to choose the next best thought that moves them toward joy. \u201cNothing has power over me other than that which I give my conscious thoughts\u201d Anthony Robbins<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without rain there are no rainbows. Without pressure, no diamonds. Without grit, no pearl and without a broken seed, no new growth. If my children and yours can practice resiliency, choose to take ownership of their minds and search for silver linings, happiness can be theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is what I wish for my children. And this is what I wish for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Catherine<\/strong> is the co-founder of Developing Dreams, a local company ’empowering children one adult at a time’. This vision is achieved through the educational curriculum at Developing Dreams Early Learning Centre named 2019 Best Small, Private, Regional Centre in NSW, and through coaching programs written and facilitated by Catherine. Email catherine@developingdreams.com.au for further information or to find out how you can be EMPOWERED in your life.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Catherine Schasser According to vocabulary.com \u201cHappiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1442,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[95],"class_list":["post-1440","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-catherine-schasser"],"yoast_head":"\nHappiness isn\u2019t what I wish for my children - On The Coast Families<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Happiness isn\u2019t what I wish for my children - On The Coast Families\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"by Catherine Schasser According to vocabulary.com \u201cHappiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"On The Coast Families\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-05-12T03:57:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-06-29T04:18:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/06\/Happiness.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"590\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"591\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/\",\"name\":\"On The Coast Families\",\"description\":\"On the Coast Families is an innovative, bi-monthly publication for families living on the NSW Central Coast\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-AU\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-AU\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/06\/Happiness.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2021\/06\/Happiness.jpg\",\"width\":590,\"height\":591},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/multisitestaging.onthecoastpublications.com.au\/onthecoastfamilies\/happiness-isnt-what-i-wish-for-my-children\/\",\"name\":\"Happiness isn\\u2019t what I wish for my children - 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